I didn’t want to. In fact, I procrastinated like a champ – well not exactly procrastinated because I was doing things that really needed to be done. I had deadlines. But I also had a commitment to myself.. that On Fridays.. I run. When I feel this way, I find the best thing is to just get dressed in running gear, put my shoes on, grab my headphones and start my watch. Less thinking means more likelihood of the run happening.

So that is what I did and got in 7 pretty relaxed miles.

The main reason I ran this Friday was to help process some work frustrations – mainly me questioning my ability as a leader. I felt disappointed. Not in myself, but in my team because I wanted people to take accountability and to fully own work that belonged to them. As a leader, I feel like it is my job to inspire that accountability, but only to a point. Isn’t it? At some point people have to own their own accountability, drive, passions and dedication. I battle back and forth in my brain about expectations that others will care as much as I care and step up to get stuff done right vs. feeling some ownership in setting the stage and expectations for what and how I want things done. My role is an interesting one as I don’t have direct solid line reporting to me, but I am a leader of a large group of people for large important programs. Influencing without authority seems to be the theme of the hour.

This particular Friday run was much like the others where my brain takes a winding path from destination to destination (work issues, identity issues, self worth, capabilities, fear, anxiety, confidence, fitting in, moving forward, putting things in perspective, reassurance) each it’s own little destination pin during my run route.

I try not to spend too much time at any on of these ‘destinations’ in my brain, but rather cycle through them, almost rhythmically all the while listening to songs that make me feel something. I count this as therapy.